BATON ROUGE, LA – Governor Jeff Landry threatened Thursday to halt all Louisiana hot sauce shipments to Alabama until the SEC abandons its threats to expel LSU, warning that additional sanctions could include Tony’s, crawfish and anyone who knows how to make a roux.
“You want to talk about eligibility?” Landry said. “Alabama is about to become ineligible for flavor.”
State troopers plan on setting up condiment checkpoints along Interstate 10 after officers received a tip that Bama residents were transporting bottles of the sauce concealed inside bags labeled “medical supplies.”
Alabama officials activated emergency reserves stored beneath the governor’s mansion and urged residents to avoid any unnecessary seasoning until this was resolved.
SEC officials insisted conference membership could not be negotiated through condiment warfare, although a spokesperson requested clarification on whether the sanctions also included Slap Ya Mama and Tony’s.
Landry said negotiations could begin immediately.
“You want LSU out?” he said. “Fine. Enjoy red beans and rice that tastes like it was prepared by someone who learned Cajun cooking in Seattle.”
