BATON ROUGE, LA – Local LSU fan Gary Boudreaux announced Sunday that the football program had officially lost his support, then called Matherne’s on campus to make sure his order was enough to feed approximately 45 people.
“I’m done. They’re not getting another thing out of me,” Boudreaux said, briefly covering the phone before adding two sandwich trays, an extra platter of wings and asking whether the order came with serving utensils.
Boudreaux explained that Saturday’s tailgate was already planned and canceling it would punish innocent people who had nothing to do with LSU’s inability to play football.
His protest will include a 65″ flatscreen television, two 20×20 tents, a generator and enough beer to discuss the two point conversion for six hours before kickoff and 8 hours after the game ends.
Asked whether he would attend the game, Boudreaux said he intended to use his season tickets strictly to observe how little he cared.
“This program needs to understand there are consequences,” he said, requesting purple and gold napkins.
His wife confirmed he had made the same announcement last season, shortly before upgrading their parking pass and buying a new 50 quart jambalaya pot.
