BATON ROUGE, LA – After last year’s widely criticized ticket price increase was quietly abandoned following LSU’s disappointing season under Brian Kelly, university officials announced Thursday that they have developed a more “responsive” pricing model for the Lane Kiffin era.
Under the new system, ticket prices will automatically increase after every LSU touchdown.
Athletic department officials say the program allows pricing to better reflect the excitement generated on the field while ensuring the university doesn’t repeat the mistake of raising prices before fans have been given a reason to pay them.
“We learned an important lesson last year,” said one LSU administrator while monitoring a live spreadsheet. “You can’t raise prices based on expectations. You have to wait until people are emotionally invested first.”
According to LSU, prices may also increase following explosive plays, favorable playoff projections, or after any photos appear on Instagram of Lane Kiffin with at female who is at least a nine (two fives will not count).
Some fans expressed concern that Lane Kiffin’s offense could make games financially unaffordable by halftime.
University officials dismissed those fears.
“We’ve built in safeguards,” one administrator explained. “Once ticket prices reach mortgage-payment levels, increases will be limited to SEC championship and playoff games only.”
Officials say they briefly considered lowering ticket prices after turnovers or missed field goals, but LSU Athletics representatives explained that the ticketing software is only capable of raising prices and has no mechanism for lowering them.
