BATON ROUGE, LA – Representatives from several Louisiana insurance companies held a rare joint press conference Thursday to announce they have finally identified the primary cause of the state’s sky-high insurance premiums.
According to officials, extensive research has revealed that rates would likely drop significantly if Louisiana were physically relocated to a completely different location, preferably one without hurricanes, flooding, litigation, uninsured drivers, road conditions resembling archaeological sites, or a legislature constantly proposing new ways to solve insurance costs.
“We’ve run the numbers every possible way,” said one insurance executive. “If Louisiana were moved somewhere between Nebraska and Wyoming, most residents could probably save thousands of dollars per year.”
The report estimates homeowners could see immediate reductions if the Gulf of America were replaced with a cornfield and if tropical storms were forced to make landfall somewhere else.
State officials praised the findings and immediately formed a bipartisan task force to study whether Louisiana could be towed several hundred miles inland using a fleet of boats.
Meanwhile, residents expressed cautious optimism that relocating the entire state might finally prove easier than lowering insurance premiums.
