BATON ROUGE, LA – Entergy announced this week that it will build three massive natural gas plants to power Meta’s new data center in Louisiana, assuring customers the project will have “minimal impact” on their wallets. By “minimal,” the company clarified, it means a $4.99 fee every time someone sends or accepts a friend request.
Executives explained the surcharge is necessary to cover “interpersonal energy costs,” a phrase nobody understands but will appear in bold on every monthly bill. Sample statements preview fees including “Friendship Distribution Adjustment”, “Like Button Wear-and-Tear”, and “Algorithm Calibration Charge.”
Entergy insisted the new charges are vital to keeping Louisiana competitive in the global market for tech billionaires. “Meta gets the power, you get the privilege of paying for it. That’s partnership,” one spokesperson said while standing next to a giant novelty light switch.
Customers are already bracing for the next wave of fees rumored to include $2.75 for typing “LOL” and $6.10 for declining event invitations.
