BATON ROUGE, LA – Our Lady of the Lake has committed up to $50 million to put its name on LSU’s new basketball arena, assuring the public the investment is sound and should “pay for itself after about a dozen solid ER visits.”
A spokesperson clarified, “That’s assuming the patient receives a standard care package consisting of an ice pack, Tylenol, 3-minute doctor chat, ‘facility fee,’ and maybe a Band-Aid if we’re feeling generous. Toss in a CT scan for good measure, and boom, we’re in the black.”
Despite the monumental arena spend, there are no plans to adjust pricing at the actual hospital. Recent bills still include $312 for an ice pack, $105 for a forehead thermometer swipe, and $39.50 for being told, “The doctor will be with you shortly.”
Hospital officials defend the move as a “community investment,” though patients argue a cheaper aspirin would feel more charitable than a branded arena.
The arena is expected to be completed in 2028, right around the same time many patients finally pay off their ER co-pays from 2016.
