BATON ROUGE, La. – In a step toward modern juvenile justice reform, Baton Rouge officials unveiled plans for a sleek new youth detention center—complete with lounge seating, muted earth tones, and a digital Escapee Leaderboard mounted prominently in the lobby.
“We’re embracing innovation,” said one city official. “Kids today are competitive. Why not channel that energy?”
The leaderboard will rank escapees based on distance traveled, time on the run, and number of news choppers involved. Bonus points will be awarded for making it past Florida Boulevard.
While critics argue this approach might encourage further breakouts, the Mayor’s office insists it’s “about gamification, not glorification.”
“If a teen gets out, that’s on us—but if he gets far out, that’s impressive,” one designer noted, pointing at mockups of gold-plated plaques labeled “MVP: Most Vanished Participant.”
No word yet on whether repeat escapees will be inducted into the Hall of Flight, but insiders say plaques are being engraved.
