BATON ROUGE, La. – In an effort to close the city’s budget gap, Baton Rouge leaders have proposed reinstating the alimony tax—essentially taxing the emotionally defeated.
“Just because your spouse left doesn’t mean the garbage picks itself up,” one councilmember.
Officials estimate the tax could generate millions in passive-aggressive income. One local man called it “the worst thing to come out of my divorce—besides the divorce.”
City officials insist this isn’t punitive. “We’re simply monetizing regret,” one staffer explained, “and regret is Baton Rouge’s most reliable natural resource.”
Future proposals include a ‘Ghosting Fee’ and a fine for replying ‘K’ during legal negotiations.
Mayor Side Edwards says he has considered adding surcharge for anyone who still refers to their ex as “what’s-her-name” or for replying to “I miss you” texts with ‘K’.
