NEW ORLEANS, La. – New Orleans Mayor LaToya Cantrell stunned legal experts this week when she invoked the fifth during an NOPD promotions hearing—only to later clarify that she was actually referring to the fifth of Hennessy she had downed on the way to the inquiry.
“I wasn’t trying to avoid self-incrimination,” Cantrell explained. “Ain’t nobody ‘pleading the Fifth’—I was just tryna plead for another round. That Henny hit hard, baby. Y’all ever try answering questions after a whole bottle? Couldn’t be me.”
City officials attempted to steer the hearing back on track, but Cantrell remained unfazed, doubling down on her defense. “Look, if not remembering stuff is illegal, then half the dudes dodging child support in this city should be doing life.”
Legal analysts were left speechless when Cantrell reportedly asked if she could “plead the First—First-Class Ticket, that is” to skip town for the weekend. “Ain’t no point in sticking around with all that rain comin’ anyway,” she added, casually checking flight prices on her phone.
At this point, city officials are just grateful she showed up sober.
