MARRERO, LA – Louisiana State Representative Kyle M. Green Jr. is facing multiple charges—and possibly a lifetime ban from carpool duty—after being arrested for DWI and child endangerment during a late-night solo crash with his three children in tow.
Witnesses say the incident looked less like a commute and more like a live-action PSA on what not to do with a backseat full of kids and an alleged questionable BAC. When questioned by authorities, Green reportedly attempted to explain that he was “just demonstrating how the government crashes under pressure.”
“He promised us breakfast,” one of the children said. “Didn’t say it would come with a mugshot.”
Despite the crash and charges, the kids were unharmed—physically, at least. Emotional trauma may set in once they realize their dad’s most educational experience of the year happened in the back of a police car.
Green was released on bond, though sources say he’s now barred from driving anything more powerful than a grocery cart.
At least 342 Louisiana Democratic X accounts have already posted responses to the incident, all beginning with, ‘Sure he ran off the road and crashed at 2:30 am with his kids in the car then refused breathalyzer, but Trump…’
