BATON ROUGE, LA – Performers preparing for Benny’s haunted car wash on Siegen Lane are reportedly reconsidering their approach after realizing many customers must survive a left turn into the property before reaching the first monster.
“We’ve got fog, screaming, a guy with a chainsaw,” said one performer. “This woman just crossed four lanes because somebody in a Yukon waved her through. What exactly am I supposed to add?”
During a rehearsal, a masked attendant lunged toward a driver who calmly asked whether the tire shine was included.
Another customer described the dark tunnel as “the first time tonight I’ve known which direction everybody was going.”
Organizers are reportedly testing more locally effective scares, including an actor holding a sign reading “YOU MISSED YOUR TURN” and a voice announcing that the exit requires another left.
One performer finally got a scream by approaching a window and whispering, “They’re putting another apartment complex right here.”
The driver immediately requested the manager, a traffic study, and the next council meeting date.
