BATON ROUGE, LA – The East Baton Rouge Metro Council is considering an ordinance requiring permits for fights involving more than six people, following repeated downtown brawls that officials say have grown unregulated.
Under the proposal, organizers must submit an application ten business days before throwing hands, provide a seating chart, and designate one sober adult capable of identifying which argument started everything.
Fights involving fewer than seven participants would remain permit-free, provided nobody uses a any make-shift weapons conveniently located nearby.
“Residents deserve safe, orderly violence,” said a fictional city official. “We cannot have citizens forming spontaneous combat committees without proper oversight.”
Applicants would pay a $75 fee, though nonprofit brawls and disagreements sponsored by local chambers of commerce may qualify for waivers. Unauthorized fighters could face fines, community service, or mandatory attendance at a Metro Council meeting.
Bar owners welcomed the proposal but questioned enforcement. BRPD responded by announcing officers would monitor future melees from the conveniently located downtown substation, assuming someone knocks loudly enough to alert them.
