BATON ROUGE, La. – In what could become a new tradition, both Dutchtown and Istrouma High Schools ended the week with full-blown brawls—each racking up six student arrests. Istrouma pulled slightly ahead after several parents allegedly joined the fray and could also be facing arrest, showcasing a true multi-generational commitment to chaos.
“This kind of community involvement is exactly what we’ve been missing,” said one sarcastic district official, holding an ice pack to his head. “We love to see students passionate about something.”
A traveling trophy—an engraved pair of handcuffs welded to a cafeteria tray—will now be awarded monthly to the school demonstrating the highest level of violent engagement during lunchtime. Officials say the trophy will be unveiled at a future school board meeting, assuming no one punches the superintendent again.
“This isn’t just a fight,” said one Istrouma parent while being loaded into a squad car. “It’s a teachable moment. My kid learned how to square up.”
School administrators claim they’re “working on solutions,” which reportedly include talks by a student-led de-escalation club that was immediately disbanded after its first meeting turned into a fistfight last August.
Former Istrouma head football coach and current Baton Rouge Mayor Sid Edwards weighed in on the chaos with a reflective sigh: “Apparently my pregame pep talks about being aggressive left an impression—I probably should’ve mentioned the football field specifically.”
