NEW YORK, NY – In a groundbreaking economic strategy, activists plan to cripple corporations by… buying everything the day before the boycott.

“We’re making a statement,” said one organizer, loading their cart with groceries and electronics. “These companies will feel it—tomorrow, when we don’t spend anything! Except for today, when we spend double.”

Reverend Al Sharpton has urged supporters to join the movement by shifting all purchases forward 24 hours. “We’re sending a clear message,” he declared, while retailers counted today’s record-breaking sales.

Economists are baffled. “This is like a hunger strike where you eat twice as much the day before,” said one expert. “Target won’t shut down because you bought your detergent on Wednesday instead of Thursday.”

Meanwhile, corporate CEOs remain unfazed. “We’re deeply concerned,” one said between laughs, watching cash registers ring nonstop. “Please, no more boycotts like this—we’re running out of money counters.”