East Baton Rouge Leaders Encourage Residents to Lower Expectations to Improve Overall Satisfaction Ratings
Baton Rouge leaders reportedly believe the key to improving public satisfaction isn’t fixing problems, but convincing residents to stop expecting roads, traffic, and drainage to function in the first place.
Louisiana Residents to Begin Ranking Hurricanes by Which One Caused Least Entergy Surcharges
Louisiana residents are reportedly no longer measuring hurricanes by wind speed or flooding, but by how devastating the Entergy surcharge becomes six months later after the power finally returns.
Study: Marijuana Users Saving Hundreds by Driving Down Sherwood With Windows Down
LSU researchers say Baton Rouge drivers are saving hundreds on marijuana simply by sitting in Sherwood Forest traffic with the windows down long enough to miss two green lights in a row.
Louisiana DCFS Says Missing Paperwork Since 2012 Shows Long-Term Commitment To Reducing Clutter
After auditors discovered the same problems dating back to 2012, DCFS reportedly explained that eliminating paperwork entirely has dramatically improved office organization.
East Baton Rouge Leaders Celebrate Weapon-Free Graduation Fights Across Multiple Schools
EBR officials praised graduates and families this week after multiple graduation fights somehow remained completely gun-free, something district leaders described as “encouraging progress” following months of campus weapon incidents.
Louisiana School System Introduces New “Career Ready” Program Focused Entirely on Filing Insurance Claims
Louisiana schools are finally preparing students for real life by teaching flood claims, roof tarping, and how to argue with insurance adjusters before hurricane season starts again.
EBR District Court Introduces Annual Awards Banquet for Repeat Offenders
Court officials have decided it was finally time to honor the city’s most dependable repeat offenders with a formal awards banquet celebrating years of uninterrupted criminal consistency.
Baton Rouge HOA Fence Dispute Enters Fourth Generation of Family Involvement
Baton Rouge HOA residents are now involving entire bloodlines in a years-long Facebook war over fence height. The original fence may be gone, but the arguments remain stronger than ever.
Baton Rouge Drivers Continue Proud Tradition Of Missing Entire Green Light While Looking At Phone
Baton Rouge drivers are reportedly preserving one of the city’s oldest traditions, sitting through entire green lights while checking their phones and accelerating precisely as the light turns red again.
Recall Organizer Files Recall Petition Against Secretary of State Receptionist For Saying “You Again” On Third Visit
Baton Rouge’s most dedicated recall organizer has reportedly added a Secretary of State receptionist to her growing list of political enemies after being greeted with the phrase “You again.”
EBR Leaders Concerned Residents May Discover Successful Schools Keep Appearing Everywhere Around Them
Parish officials fear parents may begin expecting functioning schools after noticing nearby districts somehow figured it out years ago.
Therapists Warn Lane Kiffin Visit Could Reset Ole Miss Recovery Process Back to Anger Phase
Counselors across Oxford are preparing for a difficult week as Lane Kiffin’s return reportedly threatens months of emotional recovery progress.
DOTD Unveils Newly Redesigned I-12 Barrier After Visiting 3rd Grade Science Class
DOTD engineers say a recent elementary school science lesson provided several “valuable new insights” into why concrete interstate barriers may cause flooding.
Cassidy Campaign Purchases “Flashy Thing” From Men in Black to Help Voters Forget Last 11 Years
Witnesses claim Cassidy briefly flashed a strange device at supporters before everyone suddenly started calling him “a consistent conservative.”
Baton Rouge Ankle Monitoring Company Celebrates 100th Customer-Related Shooting Incident
A Baton Rouge ankle monitoring company is celebrating a major milestone after its devices officially reached 100 customer-related shootings without a single equipment failure.
Landry Recall Organizers Accused Of Disenfranchising Thousands After Requiring Photo ID To Sign Petition
Organizers defended the rules by explaining that democracy works best when verification standards fluctuate depending on who’s being targeted.
Landry Reassigns Entire DMV Workforce to Recall Verification Division, Results Expected by Early 2031
Jeff Landry’s newest strategy for surviving a recall reportedly involves routing every signature through the same people handling Real IDs and broken ticket printers.
State Encourages Landowners to Think of Carbon Capture Land Seizures as “Involuntary Environmentalism”
Landowners are being encouraged to view forced participation in carbon storage as a meaningful contribution to the environment they didn’t agree to make.
Democrats Demand Supreme Court Agree to “Best Two Out of Three” Series on Louisiana Congressional Map Ruling
Democrats say the Supreme Court ruling on Louisiana’s congressional map only counts as Game One, and they’re now pushing for a full best-of-three series before accepting defeat.
Post Malone’s Tour Bus Stuck in I-10 Traffic on Spillway, Forced to Cancel May 23 Concert
LSU fans are devastated after Post Malone’s tour bus became trapped on the Spillway, with GPS estimates now placing arrival sometime near football season.
Landry Signs Executive Order Removing Garret Graves’ Home From Inside State Lines to Prevent Run for Governor
The new boundary now curves so precisely around the home that cartographers are calling it “petty, but impressive.”
After Supreme Court Tosses Map, Senior Official Confirms It Was Drawn by His 5-Year-Old Neice for “Fresh Perspective”
Louisiana’s rejected congressional map might make more sense now after officials confirmed it was originally drawn by a 5-year-old before being “cleaned up” for presentation.
EBR Teacher’s Union Says St. George Should Stay And Help Preserve The System That Made Everyone Want To Leave
As nearby top-ranked school districts exploded in growth, EBR officials insist the connection between good schools and families moving there remains purely coincidental.
Proposed Bill Requires DOTD to Repurpose Existing Potholes for I-12 Wall Drainage
Louisiana may have finally found a use for all those interstate potholes, flood control. A new proposal suggests moving them directly into the I-12 barrier wall.
District Court Tests Pilot Program Letting Violent Offenders Pre-Schedule Their Next Release
Baton Rouge courts are rolling out a new pilot program aimed at efficiency, and critics say it may be the most honest acknowledgment yet of how predictable the system has become.
Baton Rouge Activists Complete Impressive Career Shift From City Planning Experts to School District Authorities
Local experts who just wrapped up their decade-long run as city planners have already rebranded as education policy specialists. Officials say the turnaround time was “impressively aggressive.”
Landry Pushes Trump to Open Strait of Hormuz to Licensed Louisiana Fishermen After Taking Him Fishing There
After Trump reportedly caught multiple mackerel in the Strait of Hormuz, Landry now wants Louisiana fishermen to have access to the same waters.
EBR Launches “Suffering Builds Character” Campaign to Discourage St. George School Breakaway
With St. George looking to leave, EBR leaders are doubling down, saying the real education was the disappointment students experienced along the way.
Source: Mitch Landrieu Being Considered To Chair 2028 Presidential Pre-Loss Planning Committee
Democrats may have found their most reliable closer, Mitch Landrieu, now reportedly being considered to lead pre-loss planning before campaigns even get started. Efficiency has never looked so predictable.
Zachary Neighbor Who Shut Down Go-Kart Track Now Drafting New Complaint Against Passing Cars
After shutting down a go-kart track, a Zachary neighbor is already working on her next complaint, this time targeting passing cars on a nearby highway.