NEW ORLEANS, LA – Fresh off borrowing $125 million from the state to help stabilize the city’s finances, local officials reportedly admitted there’s just one small problem with their latest political endeavor: investigations aren’t free.
According to fictional sources close to City Hall, officials have begun quietly checking whether Louisiana might be willing to chip in a few more million dollars so they can continue pursuing Attorney General Liz Murrill.
“We’d really hate for a lack of funding to stand in the way of holding the people funding us accountable,” one official explained.
The request reportedly includes courtroom expenses, legal research, office supplies, coffee, and a modest line item labeled “looking busy.”
Officials insisted accepting additional state money would have absolutely no impact on their independence, objectivity, or enthusiasm for criticizing the state government.
State leaders reportedly responded by offering to fund potholes, police, drainage, and infrastructure first, explaining they usually prefer to finance projects that have at least some chance of benefiting taxpayers.
City officials called the response “deeply unhelpful.”
