BATON ROUGE, LA – Reporters expecting LSU’s head football coach at today’s press conference were instead met with an empty podium, a lonely microphone, and the sound of faint laughter from opposing fans. The athletic department released a statement saying the coach was “still in concussion protocol” after spending four hours watching his own defense get flattened.
According to staff, the coach experienced dizziness, blurred vision, and an overwhelming urge to punt on first down. Sources say he’s being monitored closely, though doctors admit it’s unclear whether the symptoms came from Saturday’s game or simply from reviewing LSU’s tackling film.
One assistant coach suggested that silence might be the new team strategy: “If our defense can’t stop anybody, maybe the coach just won’t answer anybody either.”
Fans were left wondering if the presser will ever be rescheduled, or if the coach will continue his indefinite recovery on the sidelines, far away from both microphones and running backs.
