DENHAM SPRINGS, LA – After two embarrassing denials, the Denham Springs City Council finally waved the white flag and granted Mustard Seed Creamery its long-sought liquor license. The change of heart, insiders say, had less to do with city ordinances and more to do with lingering trauma from the last Sadvocate article.
“The fallout from those Facebook comments hit harder than anything on Mustard Seed’s drink menu,” one council member admitted while taking a sip from a freshly poured Gin & Tonic. “We just couldn’t go through that again.”
Councilors allegedly spent more time discussing how to avoid another viral satirical story than the actual permit request. Some even cited family members forwarding Sadvocate posts with captions like, “holy shit is this you lol” as the tipping point.
The approval paves the way for Mustard Seed to expand its offerings from sundaes and lattes to something a little stronger. Plans are rumored to include “Hallelujah Hurricanes” and a house specialty called “The Baptist Old Fashioned.”
In a desperate move at retaliation, one council member pledged to draft an ordinance to ban satire within the city limits, apparently unaware that nothing makes better satire than attempting to ban satire.
