NEW ORLEANS, LA – In a defiant press conference Friday, New Orleans Mayor LaToya Cantrell assured residents that her recent federal indictment will in no way interfere with the city’s current pace of “strategic inactivity.”
“This administration has always prided itself on not rushing into action,” Cantrell told reporters. “Whether it’s crime, infrastructure, or basic city services, we’ve taken a measured, patient approach, some might call it doing nothing, and I intend to stay that course.”
Sources inside City Hall confirmed that the mayor’s daily schedule will remain unchanged, consisting primarily of ceremonial appearances, closed-door meetings of unspecified purpose, and a robust lunch rotation.
Legal analysts say the trial could take months, possibly years, to resolve, but insiders remain confident the city will see no disruption in its long-standing tradition of unhurried governance.
“Frankly, if she’s tied up in court, it might even speed things up around here,” one department head shrugged. “No promises, though.”
