NEW ORLEANS, LA – In a plot twist no one saw coming—mostly because no one was paying attention—a group of 5 inmates who escaped from Orleans Parish Jail last week managed to break back into the facility late last Tuesday, claiming the outside world was “a hell of a lot scarier” than lockup.
“We thought the inside was rough,” said one escapee, “but 24 hours in the lower 9th ward and we were begging to come back.”
The group reportedly returned through a hole they chiseled into a wall behind cell block C and quietly reclaimed their old bunks. It took four full days for jail staff to realize they were back. “We only noticed when one of them asked to file a grievance,” said a corrections officer. “That’s when it hit us.”
Inmates cited too much flooding, terrible street conditions, and some ratchet who goes by Teedy trying to lure us into an apartment by Jackson Square with a case of those Dubai chocolate bars she said she ain’t even had to pay for. “We just wanted freedom,” said another escapee. “And at least on the inside you know who’s trying to shank you.”
Orleans Parish officials called the incident “deeply concerning,” but later clarified they were referring to the leadership of their department, not this.
