BATON ROUGE, La. – In a show of bipartisan disgust, Louisiana voters recently torched all four constitutional amendments on the ballot, with each one rejected by an overwhelming majority. The message was loud and clear: “Try again, and this time bring something we actually care about — like not going broke paying for insurance.”

The amendments, which covered thrilling topics like tax tweaks and judicial fine-tuning, failed to stir any enthusiasm outside of the Capitol. “It was like watching paint dry — and then voting against the paint,” one voter said.

Sensing the public’s real priority, Governor Jeff Landry unveiled a new piece of legislation entitled: “We Will Literally Vote for Anything If It Lowers Insurance Premiums Act.” The bill has no specific provisions yet, but reportedly includes the phrase “please help us” at least 46 times.

Critics say the bill is light on policy and heavy on desperation. Supporters say: who cares — just lower the motherf***ing insurance premiums.

As for the bill’s chances of success? Unclear. But if it fails, voters are already drafting their own amendment: “The Insurance Companies Go to Jail Act.” Early polling shows 98% support.