BATON ROUGE, LA – State officials warned Tuesday that Louisiana’s emergency reserve of the word “unprecedented” has fallen to critically low levels after another year of political headlines requiring its near-daily use.
According to an internal language conservation memo, government agencies, political consultants, reporters, and social media commentators have consumed the term at a pace far exceeding projections, forcing staff to begin rationing its use for only the most extraordinary constitutional disputes, ethics investigations, courtroom drama, and legislative standoffs.
“We’ve reached the point where something has to involve at least three government entities, two lawsuits, and a press conference before we’re authorized to call it unprecedented,” one communications employee reportedly explained while crossing the word out of a draft statement for the fourth time that morning.
State officials are now encouraging agencies to consider alternatives such as “remarkable,” “highly unusual,” “only in Louisiana,” or the increasingly popular phrase, “Well… this is new.”
Language experts estimate the state’s supply could be completely exhausted before the end of the summer if current political conditions continue.
Officials say they’ve already begun stockpiling “historic,” “developing,” and “ongoing” in preparation for next year’s legislative session.
