MEMPHIS, TN – In an upcoming display of SEC-level bargain hunting, Governor Jeff Landry and LSU Athletic Director Verge Ausberry will begin hauling tents, fold-out chairs, and a 120-quart ice chest toward Jimmy Sexton’s Memphis office on Thursday. Their mission will be straightforward. Secure Lane Kiffin at true Black Friday pricing.
Landry told Sadvocate reporters he refuses to “let Florida or any other state beat Louisiana to the punch on Kiffin,” insisting that the best coaching deals only happen “when you’re first in line and willing to fight for them.” He will also confirm plans to pack pepper spray, not for rival fans, but “in case some other AD tries to cut the line like it’s a flat-screen TV sale at Best Buy.”
Ausberry will reportedly set up a 10×10 popup tent directly on Sexton’s sidewalk, explaining that LSU “needs to be ready when those contract numbers drop at 7 AM.” Sources say he will expect Kiffin’s buyout to dip at 8:00 AM as soon as Sexton’s office opens.
Regardless of the outcome, officials say the governor will still bill the trip as “economic development,” ensuring Louisiana taxpayers pick up the receipts.
