BATON ROUGE, LA – The Louisiana Department of Transportation and Development unveiled its newest traffic relief project Monday: free Wi-Fi on the Mississippi River bridge. Officials admitted it won’t actually reduce congestion but insisted drivers will now be able to “stream their favorite shows while not moving.”
“Adding lanes is complicated,” one DOTD spokesperson explained. “Adding internet is cheaper. If commuters are stuck for three hours, they might as well finish an entire season of Yellowstone before they reach Port Allen.”
Contractors have already begun installing routers atop light poles, with signals strong enough to cover every stalled car between Nicholson Drive and Lafayette. Officials say the service will be free, but users will have to watch a 20 minute video on why the LADOTD is the pinnacle of efficiency and then click “I agree” for access.
Governor Jeff Landry praised the initiative as “innovative problem-solving,” adding that distracted drivers are less likely to notice how little progress has been made on actual infrastructure.
Reaction from commuters was mixed. “It’s not a new bridge,” one motorist said, “but at least I can stream the first half of an LSU game while I wait to move 50 feet.”
The project is set to move forward after the DOTD completes 11 feasibility and environmental studies. “We have hundreds of insects and birds living atop the bridge,” a spokesman told The Sadvocate. “It is essential to determine if a constant wi-fi signal will disrupt their lifestyle or mating habits.”
