BATON ROUGE, La. – A group of enterprising criminals found themselves the real victims this week after allegedly stealing a truckload of packages from several homes in Baton Rouge, only to discover that half of them contained nothing but returned Amazon junk.
“We risked everything for this haul—only to find 37 pairs of orthopedic socks, three off-brand air fryers, and a single Shake Weight,” complained one of the thieves, who now considers himself a victim. “Amazon needs to implement a ‘thief-friendly preview’ option so we don’t waste our time.”
The group is reportedly pushing for an update to Amazon’s tracking system, where stolen packages would be labeled with contents and resale value, allowing porch pirates to make an informed decision before committing.
The Baton Rouge Police Department said they’re happy to see criminals finally experiencing the frustration of an Amazon purchase gone wrong. Amazon, meanwhile, has announced no changes, because it simply does not care.
