GONZALES, La. – In a decisive move to protect the sacred tradition of workplace misery, the Gonzales City Council has voted against implementing a four-day work week, citing concerns that employees might become dangerously content.

“Once you let workers taste happiness, there’s no going back,” said one council member, adjusting his recliner mid-meeting. “Next thing you know, they’ll be asking for—God forbid—decent wages.”

Supporters of the proposal argued that a shorter work week would improve productivity and morale, but the council remained unconvinced. “If people have three-day weekends, they might spend time with their families or enjoy life,” one official warned. “That’s a slippery slope.”

In response, employees have vowed to preserve workplace morale the old-fashioned way—by pretending to work harder while quietly updating their résumés. The council, meanwhile, will return to their own grueling three-hour-per-week schedule.