Source: Mitch Landrieu Being Considered To Chair 2028 Presidential Pre-Loss Planning Committee
Democrats may have found their most reliable closer, Mitch Landrieu, now reportedly being considered to lead pre-loss planning before campaigns even get started. Efficiency has never looked so predictable.
Elon Musk Confirms Colonizing Mars Will Still Be Easier Than Getting NOLA Tunnel Approved
Elon Musk confirmed colonizing Mars will be easier than getting a New Orleans tunnel approved after his first meeting produced three committees, zero decisions, and a follow-up meeting.
‘No Kings’ Movement Claims Full Success This Morning as Zero Kings Reported Nationwide
The “No Kings” movement flooded social media this morning, declaring victory after confirming that no monarchs currently rule the United States, a condition that, according to historians, has existed since 1776.
Officials Brace for Dozens as ‘No Pharaohs’ Protest Hits Downtown Baton Rouge Sunday
The “No Pharaohs” demonstrators say they’re not stopping until every trace of ancient Egyptian influence is removed from U.S. politics, or until someone finally explains to them that there isn’t any.
City of Gonzales Rejects Hispanic Gala, Demands Everyone Pretend the Original Name Was From An Italian Named Antonio Gonzales
The Gonzales City Council rejected funding for the Hispanic Heritage Gala, insisting the town’s name has nothing to do with Hispanic culture. Officials claimed it came from “Tony Gonzalez, a hardworking Italian plumber,” leaving locals baffled at the city’s new heritage-free approach to history.
Landry Removes Dead People from Welfare Rolls, Inadvertently Wipes Out a Third of Democratic Voters
Governor Jeff Landry’s push to purge the dead from Louisiana’s welfare rolls has sparked unintended political fallout—namely, the accidental removal of one of the state’s most loyal Democratic voting blocs: the deceased.
‘I’ll Sign Any Insurance Bill,’ Says Governor Who Immediately Doesn’t
Louisiana’s governor promised to sign “any” insurance bill—then vetoed the first one that reached him. Homeowners are left with high premiums and higher blood pressure.
Mitch Landrieu Tells GOP to ‘Wake Up’—City of New Orleans Still in Coma from His Administration
Mitch Landrieu, the former mayor best known for removing statues and accomplishing little else, told Republicans to “wake up”—from the same man whose political instincts led him to endorse Kamala Harris into irrelevance.
After Years of Outrage, Louisiana Democrats Try Gerrymandering and Instantly Approve
The DNC says it’s not gerrymandering—it’s “Boundary Liberation.” Their new Louisiana map may look like a Roomba had a meltdown, but officials insist it was drawn with fairness, equity, and just a little political ambition.
St. George Mayoral Candidate Reveals his ‘Leadership, Legislation and Lap Dances’ Plan
ST. GEORGE, La. – St. George mayoral candidate Jim Morgan, whose past legal troubles include a guilty plea for solicitation, is now ready to bring his firsthand experience to city leadership. At a forum last night, inside the unfinished VIP lounge of his proposed St. George gentlemen’s club, Morgan unveiled his bold economic recovery plan, […]
NYC Mayoral Race Heats Up: Adrienne Adams Promises to Replace ‘Chaos’ with ‘Organized Chaos’
Under Adams’ leadership, chaos in NYC won’t vanish—it’ll just be more predictable. Her new ‘Chaos Calendar’ app will notify residents of peak dysfunction hours, ensuring they plan their suffering accordingly.