GONZALES, LA – The Gonzales City Council has once again proven that irony is not only alive in Ascension Parish but thriving. In a unanimous vote, council members rejected a request to fund the Hispanic Heritage Gala, explaining that the city’s name “Gonzales” should not be misinterpreted as Hispanic.
“We don’t want people getting the wrong idea,” one councilman explained. “This town was clearly named after Antonio Gonzales, a hardworking Italian-American plumber who once fixed a toilet in Ascension Parish. Totally unrelated to any Hispanic heritage.”
The nonprofit that organizes the gala, which raises money for cancer patients, had asked for a modest $5,000 to help cover venue costs. Instead, the council suggested they host “something less confusing,” like a Heritage-Free Heritage Festival or perhaps a chili cook-off limited to recipes that only include salt and pepper.
Residents were left scratching their heads. “If Gonzales isn’t Hispanic, then Baton Rouge must’ve been named after an actual red stick,” one local remarked.
Meanwhile, the gala organizers say they’ll push forward, but admit it will be difficult competing with the city’s newly approved “Festival of Vaguely European Last Names.”
