DA Launches ‘Text-a-Judge’ Program to Pre-Dismiss Cases Before Wasting Time on Investigations
The East Baton Rouge DA’s Office is piloting a new system that lets prosecutors text mugshots and case summaries directly to judges for instant dismissal decisions. Critics say it bypasses due process, but officials call it “a more efficient path to disappointment.”
Chase Through West Baton Rouge Marks First Time in Years a School Bus Has Run on Time
In a rare display of punctuality, a Louisiana man stole a school bus and led police on a multi-parish chase—marking the first time in recent memory that a bus actually showed up on schedule.
DA’s Office Seeks Taxpayer Funding to Help Judges Release Violent Criminals More Efficiently
Baton Rouge voters are being asked to fund the DA’s office with $1.5 million so it can file charges judges have no intention of honoring. The goal? Faster turnaround times for the city’s most efficient revolving door: the 19th Judicial District Court.
Baton Rouge Police Praise Car Thief’s Honesty for Using Real Name on Facebook Marketplace Listing
A local car thief took bold to new heights by listing a stolen Honda online under his full legal name. Police say they appreciated the honesty—and the GPS-enabled arrest. The victim? Shocked. The car? Still had his fries.
DOGE’s Audit of New Orleans Halted After Team Gets Carjacked by 14-Year-Olds
DOGE’s attempt to audit New Orleans ended abruptly when their government vehicle was stolen. Mayor Cantrell shrugged it off, calling it “just kids bein’ kids.”
New Orleans Residents Flee in Droves—City Officials Blame ‘Unrealistic’ Expectations for Basic Services
New Orleans leaders insist the real issue isn’t the mass exodus—it’s that residents just don’t appreciate the authentic experience of dodging carjackers and overpaying for broken infrastructure.
Baton Rouge Man Opens Used Car Lot, Names It ‘Grand Theft Auto Sales & Service’
Customers raved about the unbeatable prices at “Grand Theft Auto Sales & Service,” only to later realize they had unknowingly entered into a crime scene rather than a dealership.
Baton Rouge Officials Declare Victory as Only Half of Parade-Goers Had Their Cars Broken Into This Year
Baton Rouge officials are celebrating progress after this year’s Mardi Gras parade saw “only” half of attendees’ cars broken into. Police credit the improvement to a new strategy: hoping for the best.