BATON ROUGE, LA – With their flight delayed in Austin, the Texas Longhorns have asked to play tomorrow’s game against LSU over Zoom. They have one condition. The Tiger Stadium student section has to be muted before the band gets to the part of “Neck” everybody knows.
Texas would play from its locker room. Coaches have already asked Longhorn fans to stay off the Wi-Fi until the fourth quarter. The Longhorns would get a delay-of-game penalty every time somebody opens a locker and knocks the router loose.
The SEC will decide before kickoff whether Texas can challenge a call by freezing on purpose and saying, “Y’all still got us?”
LSU officials expect tailgating to start on schedule tomorrow morning. Asked what he’d do if Texas never made it to Baton Rouge, one fan said he’d get there at seven, cook a jambalaya and spend the afternoon telling everybody how bad LSU would’ve beaten them. “So pretty much what I was gonna do anyway.”
