OXFORD, MS – Ole Miss scientists announced Friday they had successfully cloned former head coach Lane Kiffin, only for the genetically identical coach to accept the head coaching job at Auburn approximately 11 minutes after gaining consciousness.
Researchers said the $14 million project was designed to finally give Oxford a Lane Kiffin who could never leave.
“We recreated him perfectly,” said lead scientist Dr. Randall Mercer. “Heart rate normal. Brain activity normal. Auburn interest dangerously elevated.”
According to researchers, Kiffin 2.0 opened his eyes at 9:04 a.m., learned he was the Ole Miss head coach and immediately asked what other jobs were available.
By 9:12, Auburn had reportedly offered the clone $11 million annually, a lake house and complete control over the transfer portal.
Scientists attempted to stop him by explaining that he had literally been created by Ole Miss.
“Really appreciate everything they’ve done for me,” the clone responded while packing.
Researchers have already begun work on Kiffin 3.0 which should be ready by November, although Florida has already requested permission to interview him.
