PORT ALLEN, LA – Parish officials this week defended charging residents premium prices for public records, explaining that ordinary taxpayers simply “don’t appreciate the craftsmanship” that goes into modern government paperwork.
The controversy began after a local news outlet challenged the parish’s public records fees, which reportedly cost several times more than similar requests through the state.
West Baton Rouge officials clarified that even though taxpayers already fund the buildings, computers, records storage systems, filing cabinets, electricity, internet service, printers, toner, paper, and salaries of employees responsible for handling the records, residents are still expected to pay an additional “luxury transparency” fee when actually requesting the information.
“Sure you paid for the records to exist,” explained one parish employee. “Accessing them is considered a completely separate premium experience that comes with an air conditioned room to sit and wait in. For an additional $3.50 customers will receive a bottle of spring water imported exclusively from the country of Abita Springs. We also offer the same bottle of water, chilled, for a $2.00 upgrade.”
The parish reportedly compared its records division to a high-end steakhouse, noting that residents are not merely paying for paper, but for “presentation, atmosphere, and administrative excellence.”
Officials say they are working on a new platinum transparency package will include same-day PDFs, first 5 minutes of parking free and interest rates starting at 18%.
