BATON ROUGE, LA – Former LSU head coach Brian Kelly has filed a federal infringement lawsuit against Louisiana State University, alleging the team unlawfully used his “trademarked up the middle on 3rd and long” during Saturday night’s loss.
According to court documents, Kelly claims he spent “years of painstaking trial and mostly error” developing the play, which involves confusing the defense, the offense, and sometimes the quarterback himself. “You can’t just line up and run that kind of shit without my permission,” Kelly said. “That’s basically my signature play.”
The filing includes screenshots of LSU’s offense attempting what experts have identified as “a textbook Kelly handoff” late in the second quarter, resulting in a loss of two yards and widespread deja vu.
LSU officials have not commented publicly, though one anonymous staffer admitted, “Yeah, we thought about burning that page of the playbook, but we believe in preserving tradition.”
Kelly also plans to trademark several other concepts, including “looking confused on the sideline” and PGSD or Post Game Stress Disorder. His lawyer confirmed he’s confident in the case, calling the play “so uniquely ineffective, it could only belong to one man.”
