NEW ORLEANS, LA – Area dry cleaners are reportedly celebrating after longtime LSU fan and political loudspeaker James Carville announced plans to torch his entire LSU wardrobe, citing disgust over the university’s decision to part ways with Athletic Director Scott Woodward.
“Honestly, we’ve been praying for this,” said Susan Lejeune, owner of a local dry cleaning company frequented by Carville. “Those polos have seen more panic sweats and TV spit than a debate stage in August.”
Carville, who made the vow on The Tony Kornheiser Show, said the ritual burning would include “every LSU shirt I ever screamed in,” plus his daughters’ diplomas for good measure. Witnesses say his closet, lined entirely in purple polyester since 1997, is now considered a Class B fire hazard.
Gov. Jeff Landry responded by calling the announcement “a rare bipartisan victory for public hygiene,” while LSU’s environmental science department begged Carville to “at least burn them downwind.”
Carville reportedly plans a follow-up ceremony where he will bury his remote control to stop watching LSU games.
