ST. GEORGE, LA – A local fitness center announced this week the launch of its new “Parking Lot Plus” membership tier, specifically designed for customers who drive to the gym, sit in the parking lot scrolling on their phones for 45 minutes, then leave feeling “basically healthier.”
The new package costs just $19.99 per month and includes full access to the gym parking lot, complimentary Wi-Fi, and the legal ability to tell friends, spouses, and fitness apps that they “went to the gym today.”
“We realized a huge percentage of our members were already doing this unofficially,” said one manager. “Now they can finally enjoy the experience without the pressure of actually entering the building.”
Gym officials say the new membership has become especially popular among people whose iPhone location sharing allows family members to track their movements. “As far as my wife knows, I’m absolutely crushing it in there,” said one local man while reclining in his truck watching TikTok videos two rows away from the entrance. “The GPS doesn’t lie.”
Several members reportedly upgraded immediately after learning the package also includes one free sweat towel to place around their neck before driving home for authenticity.
