BATON ROUGE, LA – Nick Saban sent LSU fans into an emotional tailspin Wednesday morning after a photo surfaced of him sitting inside one of the Baton Rouge DMV offices, arms folded, staring into the void like a man who has witnessed multiple eras of human civilization pass around him. Within minutes, social media exploded with speculation that he was updating his address ahead of a stunning return to Baton Rouge.
The truth was less dramatic and significantly more depressing.
According to DMV staff, Saban has actually been in that same line since 2004, the year he left LSU. One employee said they were “pretty sure he’s grandfathered into at least three different numbering systems by now,” noting that his original ticket began with the letter A. Another staffer claimed they didn’t even realize he’d been sitting there until they found an old renewal form wedged behind a filing cabinet dated January 2005, still clipped to the same pen on a chain he used to sign it.
Witnesses say Saban briefly perked up when his number appeared on the screen, only for an employee to announce the system had to restart due to a software update last performed during the Jindal administration.
As fans prayed the sighting meant the LSU coaching search may be coming to an abrupt end, Saban clarified he was not returning to coach, recruit, advise, consult, or even comment. He simply wanted to finish the renewal he started before he was supposed to leave for Miami. When asked how long he plans to stay, he reportedly sighed and said, “As long as it takes… or until they let me leave this place again.”
Several LSU supporters admitted the confusion still felt more hopeful than the current coaching search.
