MARALAGO, FL – Former President Donald Trump has reportedly agreed to assist Gov. Jeff Landry in selecting LSU’s next head football coach, but only if the governor signs off on replacing the Tiger Eye logo at midfield with Trump’s official portrait.
Sources close to the governor say Landry called the idea “a fair trade for greatness,” adding that a golden-haired face at the 50-yard line “would symbolize winning energy radiating through the turf.” Trump reportedly described the proposed portrait as “bigger than Death Valley, brighter than democracy, and perfectly symmetrical, unlike the Biden economy.”
The former president also suggested that the new coach be immediately issued a signed copy of The Art of the Deal. Early drafts of the contract include a clause allowing Trump to hold campaign rallies in Tiger Stadium during bye weeks, when he runs again in 2028.
Landry, who initially balked at the portrait idea, quickly changed his mind after Trump offered to let him call a few plays at the home opener next season if LSU was ahead by at least two touchdowns.
Trump’s said he wanted the portrait to feature glowing eyes visible from space and a faint halo that lights up whenever Alabama loses or a liberal professor at LSU mentions climate change in a syllabus.
