BATON ROUGE, LA – The U.S. Supreme Court is now weighing whether Louisiana must gerrymander a second congressional district with a majority of overweight voters to ensure plus-size citizens receive fair representation. The hearing coincides with the Court’s review of Louisiana’s real dispute over a majority-black district, prompting calls for “equal portions of fairness” for all. Lobbyists for Popeyes, Burger King, and the Louisiana Cream Puff and Cheesecake Coalition have pledged to “advance awareness” of the cause through strategic partnerships and several hundred coupons for combo meals.
A lower court previously ruled that heavier voters are “nutritionally united,” ordering the legislature to draw a new district where the majority of residents are at least “three plates deep” at any Golden Corral buffet. Lawmakers complied, expanding one district to include a minimum of 14 fried chicken restaurants, at least 6 boudin shops, and no less than 9 separate gas stations that serve hot food with at least one required to serve fried chicken gizzards.
Skinny plaintiffs objected to the new map, calling it “discriminatory gerrymandering” that isolates voters according to body mass and likelihood of becoming diabetic.
The Court’s decision could set a nationwide precedent for weight-based representation. “For too long, the skinny have spoken for the plus sized,” said Donna Boudreaux, founder of Weight Watchers for Democracy, while feasting on her second family box from Popeyes, with mashed potatoes, gravy and 3 extra biscuits. “All we want is a seat at the table, preferably a reinforced one.”
The demand, opponents argue, exposes how ridiculous it’s become to expect the Supreme Court to bless a voting district determined by body type and appearance. Given Louisiana’s demographics, a majority “overweight district” would need to stretch across all 64 parishes, effectively turning the entire state into one giant congressional seat, with drive-thrus serving as the new polling places.
The court is expected to publish an opinion on the matter within 45 days.
