NEW ORLEANS, LA – After the accidental release of an inmate from the Orleans Justice Center led to two deputies being fired, District Attorney Jason Williams wasted no time recruiting the former jail staff for his own team.
“These are exactly the kind of people we need,” said Williams at a Tuesday press conference. “They understand that justice doesn’t have to be slow or accurate, just convenient.”
The deputies, praised for their “unmatched experience in emptying jail cells,” will join a newly formed division within the DA’s office known as the Accelerated Release Taskforce, a specialized unit dedicated to ensuring suspects are back on the streets before the ink dries on their arrest reports.
“This office has long believed that incarceration is overrated,” said Williams, noting the new hires had “already demonstrated advanced techniques in gate security bypass and paperwork omission.”
The DA’s office is reportedly considering additional hires from departments with poor disciplinary records, citing their ability to “cut through red tape by not reading it.”
Critics say the move blurs the line between incompetence and policy, but the DA’s office insists, “It’s working as designed.”
