BATON ROUGE, La. – Despite LSU Athletics closing out the 2023-24 fiscal year with a $955,000 deficit, the university’s Athletic Director has been named a finalist for the coveted Louisiana State Government Finance Award—an honor typically reserved for those who can burn through public funds with flair.
State officials applauded the AD’s “bold commitment to tradition,” noting that mismanaging money while fielding a competitive football team is “a sacred Louisiana rite.” One committee member praised the achievement as “a seamless blend of athletic ambition and spreadsheet-based chaos.”
“He may not know where the money went, but he spent it with confidence,” said another. “And in this state, that counts for something.” The award, they noted, celebrates leaders who exemplify the spirit of ‘untraceable spending with regional flair.’
The Athletic Director has declined to comment, citing a newly implemented policy that prohibits discussing deficits under six figures. He did, however, remind everyone that LSU still outperformed Texas A&M in “dollars lost per victory.”
