New Ankle Monitor Company for BR Courts Promises to at least Pretend to Monitor Defendants
Baton Rouge courts have hired a new ankle monitor provider with a refreshingly honest motto: “We’ll at least act like we’re trying.”
DA Launches ‘Text-a-Judge’ Program to Pre-Dismiss Cases Before Wasting Time on Investigations
The East Baton Rouge DA’s Office is piloting a new system that lets prosecutors text mugshots and case summaries directly to judges for instant dismissal decisions. Critics say it bypasses due process, but officials call it “a more efficient path to disappointment.”
Migrant Disappears from Wisconsin Courthouse, Judge Suggests “Maybe He Just Needed Some Air”
A Massachusetts courthouse found itself under scrutiny after a migrant mysteriously slipped out during a hearing, allegedly with the quiet approval of the presiding judge. ICE agents scrambled to locate the missing individual, while courthouse staff largely shrugged. Officials are now reviewing whether future hearings should include escape drills as part of standard courtroom procedure.
19th JDC Hires The Sadvocate Editors to Assist Judges With Future Fake Laws
In Louisiana, satire is no longer commentary—it’s now part of the sentencing process. The 19th Judicial District Court has tapped The Sadvocate to assist in the creation of legally dubious but emotionally satisfying fake charges, citing a judge’s prior use of “misdemeanor malfeasance” as proof of the site’s accidental influence.
DA’s Office Seeks Taxpayer Funding to Help Judges Release Violent Criminals More Efficiently
Baton Rouge voters are being asked to fund the DA’s office with $1.5 million so it can file charges judges have no intention of honoring. The goal? Faster turnaround times for the city’s most efficient revolving door: the 19th Judicial District Court.