BATON ROUGE, LA – With the first day of school just days away, major navigation apps announced Monday that they will temporarily stop estimating Baton Rouge travel times in minutes and begin displaying them in business days instead.
Google Maps, Apple Maps, and Waze said the change was necessary after their systems repeatedly crashed while attempting to calculate morning commutes involving I-10, Bluebonnet Boulevard, Airline Highway, Highland Road, and every elementary school carpool line in East Baton Rouge Parish.
“We’ve exhausted every known routing algorithm,” said one fictional navigation engineer. “At this point, telling someone they’ll arrive ‘next Wednesday’ is actually more accurate.”
The updated apps will also include helpful notifications such as, “Consider packing a lunch,” “You still have time to refinance your mortgage,” and, “Would you like to notify your employer you’ll be arriving sometime this fiscal quarter?”
Local parents applauded the update, saying it was refreshing to receive an ETA that finally reflected reality instead of the app’s usual optimistic promise that the trip across town would take just 18 minutes.
Transportation officials reminded residents they still have a few precious days to enjoy normal commute times before Baton Rouge returns to its annual back-to-school factory settings.
