BATON ROUGE, LA – A lifelong Louisiana driver reportedly ignored three different GPS apps this week, explaining that no navigation system could possibly understand the state’s roads until it had “at least a decade of firsthand experience.”
The man said he refuses to accept directions from software that hasn’t personally survived surprise lane closures, unexplained detours, temporary bridges that became permanent, and construction projects old enough to have their own anniversaries.
“My GPS keeps telling me to save six minutes,” he said. “Six minutes according to who? Somebody who’s never sat behind a left-turning sugarcane tractor or watched traffic come to a complete stop because everyone wanted to look at a nutria?”
He added that a navigation app should first be required to spend ten years driving Louisiana highways, lose signal in multiple parishes, get rerouted through three small towns, and learn that the fastest route often depends entirely on what local Facebook group is complaining that morning.
Transportation officials declined to comment, noting most Louisiana drivers stopped trusting GPS around the same time they started giving directions that begin with, “Don’t do what your phone says.”
