BATON ROUGE, LA – Following a weekend DWI investigation that ended with a suspect fleeing into a swamp and being attacked by an alligator, Louisiana State Police announced they will be updating future impaired driving awareness campaigns to include a new safety recommendation: avoid alligator ambushes whenever possible.
Officials say the educational material will be added between existing warnings about speeding, impaired driving, and fleeing from law enforcement.
“Historically, we’ve focused on things like seat belts and designated drivers,” said one fictional spokesperson. “Unfortunately, we now have to remind people that jumping off an interstate into a Louisiana swamp may introduce additional risks.”
According to sources, the new campaign will feature a flow chart designed to help motorists evaluate whether a brief conversation with a trooper might be preferable to an encounter with several hundred pounds of irritated reptile.
State Police say the revised materials will also include practical guidance such as “stay on the roadway,” “do not flee into wetlands,” and “if your escape plan depends on local wildlife cooperating, reconsider.”
The alligator involved in the incident reportedly declined to comment but is rumored to be receiving an honorary certificate recognizing its unexpected contribution to traffic safety education.
Officials stressed that while DWI arrests remain relatively common, being apprehended by both law enforcement and Louisiana wildlife during the same investigation continues to be considered an advanced-level mistake.
