BATON ROUGE, LA – In response to yet another loss by the LSU Tigers men’s basketball, Governor Jeff Landry announced late Saturday that the program’s head coach must immediately register as an “Official State Liability.”
Speaking from center court immediately after watching the team get defeated, Landry clarified that the move was “purely administrative.”
“When something poses a recurring financial and emotional risk to the people of Louisiana, we register it,” Landry said. “We register flood zones. We register hazardous materials. It’s time we register the state’s latest risk.”
Under the proposed directive, the coach would be required to file quarterly reports detailing all blown leads, defensive breakdowns, and games that ended with what the governor described as “an embarrassment to LSU Sports.” A visible warning label may also be required on the sideline clipboard reading: Caution: Strategic Decisions May Shift Without Notice.
State officials confirmed the classification would not remove the coach from his position but would require enhanced oversight, including a 72-hour waiting period before attempting any inbounds play drawn with under 10 seconds remaining.
State attorneys confirmed the coach may appeal the designation, provided he can successfully diagram a play that results in points.
