BATON ROUGE, LA – After weeks of tense negotiations, LSU and former head football coach Brian Kelly have reached a settlement to end their $54 million contract dispute.
According to university sources, Kelly agreed to drop all legal claims in exchange for one Caniac Combo from Raising Cane’s per month for the next ten years.
The agreement, which LSU officials described as a “fiscally responsible compromise,” was reportedly brokered inside the Highland Road Cane’s during happy hour. Kelly’s attorney confirmed the deal includes “no cash payments whatsoever” but does guarantee “premium coleslaw substitution rights” and “double sauce upon request.”
University officials praised the arrangement as a win-win. “Coach Kelly still gets to enjoy the flavor of Baton Rouge,” said interim athletic director Verge Ausberry, “and we get to keep the lights on at Tiger Stadium.”
A spokesman for Raising Cane’s confirmed that Kelly will also receive a free combo upgrade if LSU wins at least eight games next season, a clause many analysts already consider safe for the brand.
When reached for comment, Kelly said he was “thrilled to finally taste a little closure with extra toast & no slaw.”
Governor Jeff Landry later chastised the LSU Athletic Department for what he called “another reckless financial decision,” adding that he intends to have the deal amended “to exclude the extra Cane’s sauce, given the already bleak state of Louisiana’s finances.”
