BATON ROUGE, LA – After Saturday night’s loss to Alabama, LSU fans demanded answers about the team’s play-calling. They got them when an equipment manager accidentally left the offensive playbook on a locker room bench, revealing a single laminated page with the phrase: “Screen Pass.”
“When Coach left, we wanted to preserve his legacy,” said an Offensive coach. “Some coaches build statues. We just kept the same 3-yard screen on 3rd and 15.”
Analysts estimate that LSU ran 28 screen passes against Alabama, none of which exceeded the length of the average concession line.
Saturday night’s play-calling against Alabama was so predictable that fans began shouting the next play before the snap and they were right 92% of the time. One fan claimed he made $40 on DraftKings just betting “screen” every drive.
Asked if there were any plans to expand the playbook, the coach just smiled. “We’re working on a reverse screen. It’s revolutionary, same idea, just slightly worse.”
