BATON ROUGE, LA – Councilman Darryl Hurst unveiled his ambitious “Revive Plank Road” initiative this week, promising a transformation that would make the long-blighted corridor “just like Siegen Lane.” The announcement drew polite applause from officials, confused stares from residents, and at least one audible “What the actual fuck” from the back of the room.
The plan includes new lighting, landscaping, and business incentives intended to lure national retailers and revive local commerce. Hurst described the proposal as a “game-changer” that could make Plank Road a “regional destination,” though residents pointed out that Siegen Lane already is a regional destination, for traffic jams, fast food restaurants, and impromptu tent cities.
“I don’t need 28 drive thru fast food restaurants 100 yards apart,” said one North Baton Rouge resident. “I just need to walk to the gas station without feeling like I’m in ‘The Purge.’”
While Hurst insists the plan will bring jobs and economic opportunity, locals say they’d be happy to start smaller, with things like working streetlights, fewer than 118 payday loan shops, and maybe one restaurant where the bathroom key isn’t attached to a hubcap.
