MIAMI, FL- Former LSU head coach Ed Orgeron says he’s ready to return to football, but he won’t be the one knocking on athletic department doors. Instead, Orgeron announced his ex-wife, who recently won an $8 million slice of his buyout, will handle all future negotiations with multiple SEC universities.
“She’s already undefeated in court, baw,” Orgeron explained. “Now she can go undefeated in contract talks too.”
According to insiders, Orgeron’s ex-wife has been preparing formal presentations for athletic departments across the conference, complete with salary demands, buyout protections, and even a proposed “shared custody” arrangement for season tickets. Witnesses who previewed her pitch said it was far more polished than most coaching interviews. “Honestly, we’d hire her before him,” one SEC administrator admitted.
Orgeron insists this unusual approach is all part of the plan. “She took half the buyout, so she might as well take half the interviews. I’ll just stick to coaching and maybe keep da truck.”
Whether Orgeron lands a job or not, one thing’s certain: his ex-wife’s record remains undefeated.
