BATON ROUGE, LA – Governor Jeff Landry signed legislation this week to purge deceased individuals from Louisiana’s Medicaid and SNAP rolls, a heroic stand against welfare fraud that also managed to disenfranchise thousands of voters who haven’t missed an election since the Eisenhower administration.
“We’re restoring integrity,” Landry declared, moments before erasing an entire cemetery’s worth of consistent Democratic turnout.
Campaign strategists on the left immediately sounded the alarm. “We expected a policy aimed at fraud,” said one staffer. “We didn’t expect him to assassinate our base retroactively.”
For decades, cemetery precincts have quietly carried elections with eerily high participation, especially during early voting, when the dead seem most active.
Now, with one signature, the governor may have undone years of voter outreach programs.
While Republicans celebrated the purge as a victory for fiscal responsibility, Democrats mourned the loss of thousands of reliable voters who, despite being dead, still showed more enthusiasm than most of the living.
